Yesterday morning, I received a phone call I get about twice a year. It was a loved one on the other end, begging for help. Addiction wreaks havoc on families, and the person in that situation genuinely wants help. However, I had to evaluate my own situation and determine if it was the best option for me to help at this moment. My nervous system screamed, "YES! Help! This is chump change for others." That's my hero wound, always jumping into the ring to try to win the title. But the reality was that our family was not in a financial position to assist. I had worked extremely hard in the past few months to plan out our family trips for the next four weeks. Giving away that money would not only affect me but also impact my family. And guess what? My nervous system would still be activated, prolonging the spiral of stress longer than necessary.

Saying no is one of the hardest things for family members in such situations. We can hear the truth in their voices, knowing they need help and genuinely desire change. However, after years of the same dance, we must stand in our truth and determine the best course of action for each person seeking help. Otherwise, we risk getting caught in a downward spiral of chaos, depression, and anxiety, alongside the person we are trying to save.

This storyline can be applied to various situations in life, even if we remove the addiction element. Where do you find yourself giving when you know you don't have the capacity to do so? What unexpected situation hits you out of nowhere and creates a nervous system disruption, unleashing years of stress upon you like a cannonball?

Being human means our nervous system will experience periods of dysregulation. This was my process yesterday when unexpected turmoil jolted me out of nowhere:

1. My nervous system instinctively jumps into fight or flight mode - it's a natural response. This alarm system ensures our safety. However, if I don't take the time to calm myself down, it can shift into cortisol and create anxiety. If you find yourself in a constant state of stress and anxiety, it's a sign that you're not taking aligned action. I used to be trapped in this cycle for years until I decided to break free from the spiral.

2. I allow myself to cry and check in with my heart to determine the aligned action for me and my family.

3. I express my needs. This step took me years to learn and is still one of the hardest for me. I became the person who saved the day for so many people in my family at a young age, and it's ingrained in my cells to not put myself first. But now I know that not taking aligned action for myself only makes me sick. I refuse to go down that path ever again.

4. I call @billygoatthebarber or another safe person to talk about the situation. My throat needs to speak. My body needs to release the energy through my voice.

5. I move my body. For me, movement is a must. It has evolved over the years, but today, I hopped on my Peloton. Walking, running, dancing, and biking are all grounding activities that bring you back into your body. In Human Design, I'm an active body type, so getting my heart rate up and sweating are both positive for me.

6. I take a 6-minute breathwork pause. I stop, drop, and engage in breathwork. This is my new slogan for myself and my clients.

7. I take a shower and write this blog. I teach through experience, and my pearl lies in the gate of the Storyteller. It's the way I process, and in turn, I hope someone else finds peace knowing they're not alone in their daily journey. Writing is one of the most healing things I do for myself.

8. I return to my regularly scheduled programming. The old me would have lost an entire day. But the new me gains growth, perspective, and gives myself time to step into my personal power with each lesson life throws at me.

If I had ignored my emotions, the rest of the day would have left me energetically drained and emotionally tapped out. I'm sure I would have unintentionally created some chaos of my own. We have the power within us to create calm. The world wants us to believe it's outside of us, in the next pill or next plant medicine experience. The answers to our problems do not lie beyond our bodies. The magic is within you. If the young girl who used to experience debilitating anxiety attacks every day of her life can learn to reconnect with her nervous system, so can you.

- Amanda (@luxhealingarts)

For those of you that have followed my blog for a while, I have had to start new chapter of words and hide the previous stories for personal reasons. Don’t worry, the book is being written and the healing journey of empowerment and resilience will be shared again in the future.

Till then I am faced with starting a new chapter……again. I could feel defeated, or feel empowered, the choice is in my hands. That is what the lesson of life is. Starting over, so you can learn and grow. Thich Nhat Hanh said “Most people are afraid of suffering. But suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow. There can be no lotus flower without the mud.” I have had discussions this week with a few people that have mentioned they feel “stuck”. I sometimes feel like I am stuck. But that is when I must surrender and realize I am growing. People try to hold you down or limit your voice when they feel threatened by you, but next time that happens, I want you to ask yourself; “Are they really holding me down or am I becoming empowered to learn and grow?”

This Leo Portal Energy and the Full Moon energy this week has been a giant push and pull for me. I was confused by all the Instagram posts of manifestation because It didn’t feel all “big dreams and let’s manifest” like it has in the past to me. It has reminded me of my life the last year. Some of the most amazing moments that have had me feeling so grateful mixed in with hate and darkness that has tried to drag me down.

When I looked up the planet energy this month, I understood why I was feeling this tension. This month alone: Mars clashed Uranus, Mars clashed Saturn, the Sun clashed Uranus, the Sun clashed Saturn, and at the end of the month Venus clashes Saturn. This energy creates and intense, uncomfortable energy, depending on where these planets are in your chart.

As we step into the Aquarius full moon we are in a clash between the sun and Saturn Retrograde. We feel a pull to step into our individuality and evolve but it is creating a pressure that is asking us what we have learned so we can grow. When I look at where the Aquarius energy is today and where it shows up in my chart, I find Gate 13.1 (Human Design, if you don’t know about this yet, reach out for a 1-1 reading and you will never be the same).

Gate 13 is the line of the narrative. Where are my old stories holding me back? The power of this gate is to forgive my past so I can learn from the lessons and show up as the best version of myself. I am here to create a personal narrative that is empowering. Karen Curry Parker says to master this gate you have “the ability to use the power of personal narrative to create with power and intention”. The gate being in line 1 means I need the fact and details. I had to investigate the energy so I could feel empowered to share my story around it.

So here I am on this Aquarius Full Moon changing the narrative with power and intention. It doesn’t feel like rainbows and butterfly’s but instead feels like I am a lotus growing in the mud. In our world of believing in magic, manifesting our dreams, and truly raising the vibration of humanity we must remember that we need balance. Only through the understanding of suffering can we set ourselves free.

• Amanda (@luxhealingarts)